May - Hannah

The past couple weeks have been really hard. My life has been taken over by papers, appointments, social gatherings, worry, trips...I just feel worn and daunted, and unable to get anything done (it can be a real challenge while living at 1304). I haven't made time to spend with God, to read my Bible, pray, focus, reflect, ask forgiveness. None of it. Scripture is a kind of mainstay in my life, a fortress, and without consciously putting God's word into my head on a regular basis I feel lost, strange and out of place, out of sorts with the world and myself. My desire to serve people and do "1304 things" declines. We've had less people come by, and it's hard for me to want to go out and seek people even though I know that when I do it's rewarding (at least as much for me as for the person I'm theoretically serving). All this doesn't really happen on a conscious level, I just go on and I live and I write papers, and at some point I realize where I'm at.
I don't understand why I constantly do this...I realize my need for God but can't seem to implement God as a priority in my life! I guess I don't have much to say other than that the past couple weeks have been stressful and discouraging, and that I need God, desperately. Gah, I am melancholy. I guess this is more of a rant than a profound blog.

(in the words of Jon Foreman)
Wish I had what I needed to be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated and I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so hopeless, and I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset with nowhere to land
...Let me know that You're near me, and let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me, and let that be enough.